My household is quite antiquated in their views with dealing with other people. Because they can only understand the fact that everyone that is a stranger would be inherently evil, and instill these beliefs into their children so they are taught to fear rather than attempt to understand. I’m supposing this factored a lot of my inability to mingle with people (aside from the insurmountable language barrier that further isolated me from social contact), though as I grew more comfortable using the internet, my understanding of people and how relationships worked grew as well. As with most people, I didn’t view online ones as legit, taking in at face value the anonymity of the internet, where anyone can so easily fabricate a persona, a face and a story, passing off this façade as real to the unassuming who would take the bait. Most of the time it may not be as extreme as such- sometimes its simply being oneself with all the undesirable parts of themselves dropped or replaced so that their partner on the other side of the world would never know about them until they’ve met them face to face, and are subsequently disappointed for the time and feelings they put into meeting the perfect partner, finding just a perfect stranger instead. Putting it in short, it wasn’t an honest way to start something.
Though sometimes….it works. It does actually work. People can treat one another as they would in an offline relationship, can be as caring and as intimate and as truthful as anything even without ever seeing one another. And the concept is nothing new- before the internet existed, people wrote to one another as penpals through mail, keeping their relationships strong despite the distance. That’s pretty much how my mother and father started out, so I suppose they can attest to its usefulness. The internet simply streamlines the entire process, no longer having to wait for weeks for a response that may or may not come depending on how good the mailing system was back then. And the feelings people forge from them are no less real, sometimes just as powerful or even more so, having only what we are told and having only our imaginations to fill in the blanks left over.
But there’s more to long distance relationships than just bridging a massive gap between two people. It takes a very dedicated kind of person to stay devoted to them. For all the kindness and well-intentioned words and the emotions poured into them, in the end you are mostly limited to staring at a person through a computer screen. Or staring at nothing but words. Things that can’t sufficiently substitute the physical intimacy most people need to feel, or the emotional intimacy that can’t be achieved through text alone. Sometimes its too high a price for exclusivity, and oftentimes the reason why such arrangements fail, for some cannot be content with imagination alone. It’s a hard decision to follow to the end, but certain people have the hope and the willpower to see it through regardless.
Those are the kind of special people I admire. That kind of fortitude isn’t something everyone has. But love can be a pretty strange thing, and makes people do strange things, especially when its love that makes the foundation of the relationship. From someone who pretty much doesn’t feel like they can return those feelings or doesn’t believe they can even be in love…I’m willing to do some pretty crazy stuff. Like wait for a guy I’ve never met who probably won’t be happy with the kind of person I am in real life who I’m still unsure if whether he’s the right guy for me. But its hard not to love someone that’s loving you back so unconditionally.
Maybe that’s the answer then. Maybe it shouldn’t be something to be viewed as such a personal sacrifice, but maybe as a goal both are committed to work towards. An agreement. A pact. A promise. What it yields in the end may or may not be what anyone expects, but where uncertainty attempts to break confidence, faith works to keep the hope and love alive.
~Taddle
P.S: Inasmuch as I dislike people that feel the need to publicly show off their love life at every opportunity (sometimes it gives the impression than having a partner elevates their superiority status above the poor sorry single fucks who are still in violent relationships with their hands), I felt I needed to express the kind of feelings I've had lately. This...sketch couldn't accurately represent it. I don't think I could draw one that could, and attempting to would take more time than I can devote to. But I wanted to do something that showed that I love him more than I can find the right words to tell him so. I didn't want to fall for you but I did. >3>
